The Limit

the Basica

  It is very important that you understand where to draw the line between instances of a person providing honest, reasonable criticism of something about you and someone spewing evidence of being enmeshed in her or his own internal trip. When others try to be genuine and rational with you about their specific concerns, it is not necessary or good to waste time berating yourself about these things. Just do your best to address them. But when people move beyond that into imaginings based on their own issues or wander into wild generalizations, you do not have to take that journey with them, no matter how much they seem to demand it.

  It is all right for anyone to express objection to particular things or to offer other kinds of insight and to ask that such things be considered fairly and thoughtfully. But realize when another has misperceived something, is making an assumption representing an illogical leap even if the original perception was correct, or is judging you as an entire person - even if it is because of a very true thing about you, and even if it is about something you have done repeatedly. You, as a whole person, are a great deal more than that. Of this you are guaranteed.

  Anyone pushing to impose upon you their internally created image of you as a whole or their manufactured fantasy of your actions, words, thoughts, or feelings has gone beyond the limit of what you should feel required to accept. The same is true if they draw a faulty connection between something about you and anything else going on. While you cannot simply demand that others allow you to replace their perception with your own, because their minds belong to them and not to you, neither are you required to adopt their view. And it is not recommended that you do unless you can honestly and rationally say, upon reflection, that your own beliefs about yourself are truly harmful and wrong, while theirs might be healthier and more accurate. This is certainly not the case when someone decides that you are a terrible person in general simply because you have uttered an opinion that is disliked or even actually made a mistake - or several. Who has not?

  While we must all do our best to live by the best of standards, we become unbalanced if we allow the opinions of those who would take out their pain on us to hold sway over the truth. It is tempting to let others criticize unfairly, due both to the treatment to which we may have become accustomed, especially in our formative years, and to our sincere desire to be rigorous in our efforts to stay on the right path. Reassess. You may be amazed to discover that you have allowed what turns out to be only a very small minority of people in your life, at least some of whose views are perhaps terribly skewed, to seem as though they are the whole world and the ultimate holders of truth. They most assuredly are not. And you will keep to the things that bring you honor, dignity, and respect all the better once you understand this and learn to keep it firmly in mind.

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